Thursday, September 24, 2009

UN Security Council Adjurns to P. J. Clarke's

President Obama sat at the UN Security Council meeting with Col. Kadaffi, the Irish delegate sitting between them, and the Isralie delegate sitting next to him, so Obama suggested they continue their discussions off the records over a few beers at P.J. Clarke’s.

This is a partial transcript of an NSA intercept of what was said.

Obama: “I don’t think we can solve all the world’s problems over a few beers, but we can get to know each other better, share our opinions, have a good time, and maybe change each other a little bit so we can learn to compromise and solve problems without resorting to violence and war.”

Khadafi: “You call sitting around drinking beer and having to go outside to smoke is having a good time? My son, you let me set my tent up in your backyard and I show you a good time.”

Irish delegate: “You smoke in your tent? You come visit us in Ireland and you can set up your tent, mate. And bring a lot of money because we want reparations for all the maiming, death and destruction you caused by giving the IRA plastic explosives.”

Isralie: “Wait a minute. Let me get this straight. The Irish get plastic explosives from the Libyans, blow themselves up with it, and now they want the Libyans to pay them restitution and reparations for providing the weapons they used to kill each other? I should have been a lawyer.”
Gadhafi: “Yes. Exactly. That’s exactly what I mean. We like the idea of restitutions, because we intend to seek restitution from the British Imperalists, Italian barbarians, and Nazis invaders for their wonton destruction of Lyba and the Americans for enslaving Africans and providing us with the plastic explosives that we gave to the Irish. So ask for millions, whatever you want, and we’ll pay it because we’ll get even more from the British, Italians, Germans and Americans, who owe us trillions in restitution.”

Obama: “Now wait a minute guys, you can’t always look to me to bail you out. That wasn’t my CIA who gave Khadafi the plastic explosives. You can’t hold me responsible for that, or we’ll have to seek restitution from the Swiss, who made the plastic explosives.”

Qaddafi: “Ah, yes, the Swiss. There are No Swiss. They’re all either French, Italian or German, nobody’s Swiss. Swiss should be done away with, dissolved, broken up and given to the French, Italians and Germans.”

Obama: “But then we couldn’t seek restitution from them, and the whole scheme falls apart.”

Irish delegate: “Kadaffi, you really got a kid named Hanibal, who beats his servants?”

Obama: “Well as you know, I have two daughters, who I’m sure will be giving me plenty of trouble when they get to be teenagers too.”

Irish delegate: “So in retaliation for your son Hanibal being embarrassed at a Swiss hotel, you cut off all oil shipments to Switzerland, bring the country to its knees, and they kiss your arse to be friends again? That’s awesome. Did your son learn that at the London School of Economics?”

Isralie: “I hope you tought your son some manners, or to be more gentle with his servants and slaves, at least in public.”

Kaddafi: “Manners! You talk to me about Manners, after you killed JFK because he wanted to stop you from making a nuclear weapon.”

Isralie: “Nuclear weapon? We don’t have any such thing. You’re a lunatic. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Obama: “Gentlemen, gentle men, settle down now. Let’s go out in the alley, share a butt, and let things calm down a little bit before they get out of hand.”

Qhadafi: “See, if we were in my tent, we wouldn’t have to go outside for a smoke, and we could solve all the world’s problems while having a really good time.”

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